Class Reunion

Kyle continued to do things for Jeff that kept Jeff confused about his feelings through the rest of that semester and the next several after that.  If he had been honest with himself at the time, Jeff would have admitted that he was in love with Kyle.  He couldn't bring himself to face the truth, though.  He fought his physical attraction to his roommate and tried to retain his friendship.

Jeff was more miserable than he had ever been.  He hated himself for feeling and thinking the way he did.  He immersed himself in religion, hoping that the strict atmosphere that he had known as a child in his grandmother's home would deliver him from his evil temptations.

In a way, it did.  Jeff met Hope through the church he started to attend.  They became fast friends, as it seemed that they had a common problem.  They both admitted that they were besieged by sinful thoughts.  Jeff never told anyone what his true problem was; he just let the pastor and Hope believe that he was addicted to sex, just as she was.  At the pastor's urging, Jeff proposed to her within a few months of their meeting, and she accepted.  Jeff just knew that Hope would be his only hope to live the kind of life that he was supposed to, the life that was expected of him.

Jeff and Hope married during the Christmas holidays of his junior year in college.  Kyle served as best man at the ceremony.  Jeff couldn't help noticing how sad Kyle seemed to be that whole day, however.  He thought that maybe his best friend was saddened by the changes in their lives.  Perhaps Kyle feared he was losing his friend.  Jeff knew that would never happen.  He wouldn't allow it.  Kyle was far too important to him.

Jeff and Kyle continued to help each other study through the next year and a half.  After graduation, Kyle stayed on at the university to pursue his further education.  Jeff had a wife to support now; so more schooling would have to wait.  He took a job as a draftsman in an engineering firm in town.

Despite his feelings for Kyle, Jeff found that the two of them had less and less time together.  For one thing, they were both very busy.  Mainly, though, the problem was Hope.  She was incredibly possessive of Jeff and his attention.  It was as if she believed Jeff was her property rather than her husband.  She began treating him less and less like a human being.  Jeff grew increasingly miserable at home, and he had been completely unhappy at work from the first day.

Jeff had never wanted to work as a pencil pusher in the bowels of a corporate engineering firm.  He longed to be an independent architect, just like Kyle had done after getting his master's degree.  Kyle knew this and offered to hire Jeff.  He was willing to work around a school schedule so that Jeff could get his degree and move up to full partner in the firm. 

Jeff wanted to jump at the offer.  It would give him the chance to do what he really wanted two times over.  He could design his own work, and he would have more time with Kyle.  Hope presented him with an obstacle, however.  He was used to her controlling his life to suit her by now, but this time she had a valid point. 

Hope was pregnant.  Her due date fell on the week that his ten-year reunion was scheduled.  He turned down the chance to work with Kyle to stay with the better money the engineering firm paid.  He also gladly wrote a letter with his excuses to the reunion committee.  For a time, Jeff was truly happy.  Well, at least happier than he had ever been before.

The pregnancy was tough on Jeff.  He got the morning sickness and the strange cravings instead of Hope.  Her only complaint was migraine headaches.  Their problems with each other only got worse as she got grouchier from the pain.  Jeff assumed it was a hormonal effect of the pregnancy.  Deep down he knew that they could never be happy together, but he still couldn't accept the truth about why.  He started blaming Hope, just as she blamed him.

Certainly Hope's hormones were in upheaval, but Jeff couldn't accept that as the only reason for her increased hostility towards him.  She acted as if he were deliberately trying to upset her, and make her miserable.  She even outright accused him of it, more than once.  Jeff would never do that, though.  He needed Hope.  She was the proof that he was not a pervert or a child molester.  He was not gay.  He had a wife and a baby on the way.

It would be several years before he would realize that he actually had been subconsciously alienating Hope.  Somehow his mind believed that if she left him, he couldn't be at fault.  It would be her decision, so it would be her with the problem.

When they were in public, Jeff absolutely doted on his wife.  To the casual observer, they were an ideal couple.  As the pregnancy went on, however, that image began to change.  Hope became more and more prone to horrendous, sometimes violent mood swings.

Their friends started to notice her animosity towards Jeff, and everyone else around her for that matter.  Kyle was the closest to them, so he saw more of the anguish his friend was going through than anyone.  He resolved to stay out of it until he was asked for help, though.  He had no choice but to get involved a few weeks before the due date when Jeff showed up at his door wearing nothing but his boxers.

"Jeff, my god, what are you doing? Get in here before someone sees you," Kyle gushed.  He pulled Jeff into the apartment and quickly shut the door.  "What the hell happened?"

"Hope threw me out," Jeff managed to whisper before he began to fall apart.  Kyle held Jeff as he shook like a leaf and cried.  Jeff stopped finally and sat up.  "I'm sorry, Kyle.  I didn't know where else to go."

"You know you can always count on me, Jeff," Kyle assured his old roommate.  "Now, tell me what happened."

"I don't know, really.  I was folding the laundry and putting it away when she started screaming at me," Jeff began softly.  "She was going on about me messing up the dinner she cooked for me with ketchup; then she went crazy and started throwing things.  She told me to get out and never come back.  She wouldn't even let me take time to get dressed."

"I never dreamed she would go this far," Kyle mused aloud.  "I'm sorry, but this has to be said, Jeff.  You are better off without her," he said firmly.

"No!" Jeff cried out.  "I have to stay with her.  I'm not like that."  He realized how close he was to saying what he felt, what he had been hiding from since junior high school.  "She's pregnant," he added, still hoping to avoid the truth.

"Pregnant or not, she's a bitch," Kyle countered.  "She treats you like a slave.  You can be a part of the baby's life without being part of hers."

Kyle saw that he was getting nowhere with his friend, so he let the subject drop.  He suggested that they get some sleep and sort things out in the morning.  Kyle suddenly tensed after saying that.  He was struck by the realization that there was nowhere for Jeff to sleep except in the bed with Kyle.  Jeff was so distraught, though, that he forced the issue out of his mind.  He led the still crying man to the bedroom and pulled back the linens.

Jeff was so out of it, he simply collapsed into the bed.  He gasped as Kyle climbed in beside him.  He realized that Kyle's home was furnished in the ultra modern style of stainless steel and Lucite.  If there had been a sofa, he wouldn't have been able to sleep on it.  It didn't make him any more comfortable about sharing the bed, but it did enable him to accept the unavoidable.

Jeff awoke slowly that morning.  He was first aware of intense physical pleasure.  As his mind cleared, he realized that he had a morning erection.  Next, he grasped the fact that something was touching his penis.  He opened his eyes to discover that he was facing Kyle.  His old roommate appeared to still be sleeping.

Jeff peered under the sheet to see, to his utter horror, that he was indeed as hard as he had ever been in his life.  His rod was poking through the fly of his boxers and was brushing between Kyle's own brief clad crotch and left hand.  Jeff practically jumped out of the bed.

Kyle awoke instantly.  Jeff ran for the bathroom, so he didn't see Kyle's worried expression.  He realized that he couldn't stay in the bathroom forever, but fortunately the shock he had plus the act of relieving his bladder eliminated his erection.  He tucked himself away and stepped out into the hallway.

"I put some stretchy sweat pants out for you," Kyle called from the kitchen.  "They'll be tight on you, but they'll do until you can get back to your own clothes."  There was a pause, and then he added, "I'm about to start breakfast.  Do you still take crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, and dark on one side only toast?"

"Just the toast," Jeff corrected, grabbing his stomach and mouth.  He ran back for the bathroom.  When he emerged again, Kyle had a wet washcloth for his forehead and a piece of toast.  He was also grinning.

"You weren't kidding, were you?  You really did get the morning sickness, didn't you?" Kyle laughed.

"Keep laughing, Smartass.  You haven't seen your toilet yet," Jeff sneered.  Kyle went pale and this time Jeff laughed.  "Gotcha!" he giggled.  Just then there was a knock at the door.  Kyle went to answer it, while Jeff got dressed.

"Are you Kyle Sanders?" the policeman asked as Kyle opened the door.

"Good morning to you, too," Kyle retorted sarcastically.  "Yes, I am Kyle Sanders.  May I help you?"

"We are looking for your former roommate, Jeff Beckman," the officer answered flatly.  "Have you seen him?"

"Why would you be looking for Jeff?" Kyle queried.

"Mrs. Beckman was found on the steps outside their home this morning.  She was unconscious and there were signs of a struggle in the apartment.  We have been unable to find Mr. Beckman."  The answer stunned Kyle.  He never thought for a second that Jeff would have harmed Hope.  He knew Jeff better than that.

"Jeff would never lift a finger against anyone, and especially not Hope," Kyle snapped shortly.  "Unfortunately for him, he is totally devoted to her."

"Why do you say, 'unfortunately' like that?" the cop questioned.

"Because she is a total bitch to him," Kyle answered aggressively.  "She treats him like dirt.  She would hurt him long before it would go the other way around."

"Relax, Mr. Sanders," the officer soothed.  "We've had the same story from two neighbors this morning.  They told us that Mrs. Beckman started a violent argument last night that ended with Mr. Beckman leaving.  We just want to let him know that she is in the hospital."

"Jeff is here, officer," Kyle admitted.  "He came here when she threw him out at two in the morning without even letting him get dressed.  Put that in your reports about her.  I am trying to convince him that he is better off without her."

"That was the consensus of the neighbors as well," the policeman told Kyle.  "I would let the subject drop now if I were you, though."

"Why is that?" Kyle asked. 

"I've said enough," the cop said quickly.  "Just get him to the hospital."  Just at that moment, Jeff came out of the bedroom in the sweatpants.  "Take him home first, though.  If he sits down in those, he'll split the seat right out, and I'll have to arrest him for indecent exposure."

Kyle turned to look at Jeff.  The pants weren't just tight; they looked as if they had been painted on.  Jeff was blushing profusely as he tried not to look at anyone.  Kyle had trouble covering his laughter.  The policeman made no effort to hide his.

"I have a coverall in my squad car that won't be quite so revealing, Mr. Beckman," the officer suggested.

"Thank you, officer," Jeff said quickly.  "May I ask you what he was doing here and how he knew my name?" he confronted Kyle after the cop went back to his car.

Kyle filled Jeff in on what had happened.  They accepted the offer to ride in the patrol car back to Jeff's house so he could change into his own clothes.  They got to the hospital just as the still unconscious Hope was being wheeled away for tests.  Two doctors met them in the hallway and ushered them into a private waiting area.

"Mr. Beckman, how long has your wife been complaining of headaches?" one of the doctors asked.

"I thought that she hadn't regained consciousness," Jeff said in confusion.  "How did you know that she has been having headaches?"

"Mr. Beckman, your wife's unconsciousness is being caused by a tumor on her brain.  It is unlikely that she will wake up until the tumor has been removed," the other doctor explained.

"What about the baby?  Is the baby in danger?" Jeff asked quickly.

"The tests we are doing now will answer that better, but there is no immediate threat to the fetus.  The problem is that the surgery to remove the tumor could induce miscarriage," the first doctor explained.

"There is no such thing as induced miscarriage, doctor," Jeff snapped.  "That fetus is my child.  I will not allow you to endanger the baby in any way."

"We are about to do an amniocentesis to determine if the baby is sufficiently developed to allow us to perform a cesarean birth.  Once the child is delivered, we can perform the surgery to remove the tumor," the second doctor told him.

"Isn't there a high incidence of what you call induced miscarriage as a result of that test as well?" Kyle asked.

"The risk is negligible compared to the dangers of brain surgery," the first physician answered haughtily.

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear," Jeff announced.  "I will not allow you to endanger my child in any way."

"Without surgery, your wife will die," the arrogant doctor snarled.

"With surgery, my child will die," Jeff countered.  "I believe that this is my decision, since it's my family we're talking about.  I will not sacrifice the unlimited potential of my child's life, even to save my wife.  She would say the same thing."

"We were hoping you would feel that way, Mr. Beckman."  Jeff and Kyle looked up to see a third, older doctor enter the room.  "The tumor in your wife's brain is killing her.  We can operate and remove it, but we're not sure she would survive the procedure, and if she did, we cannot guarantee any quality of life for her.  It is highly possible that she would be left incapable of movement, speech, or even thought."  He paused for a moment before continuing.

"We have determined through use of a perfectly safe ultrasound that your baby, a boy by the way, might be sufficiently developed to survive a caesarean birth; however there is still a risk.  He is borderline.  I would prefer to wait a bit longer before attempting it."  He knelt in front Jeff and looked him directly in the eye.  "You must understand that doing so will increase the danger to your wife.  We should be able to bring your wife out of her sleep long enough for you to speak with her if you'd like."

"Yes, I want to talk to her," Jeff whispered.

"Most likely your wife's behavior has been very erratic of late.  We have given her as much medication as we dare without harming your son, so she should be more herself.  She will still have a headache and she will remain somewhat groggy.  Don't keep her long, Mr. Beckman," the older man instructed.

Hope had agreed that the baby should come first. She had to be put on life support a week before the baby was due.  The tumor had done too much damage.  She never regained consciousness again after the day she had gone into the hospital and life support was disconnected after the delivery was completed.

"The baby will be named after the two most influential men in my life," Jeff announced to the nurse when she asked.  "His name is Harlan Sanders Beckman."  The first name was in honor of a promise made to his grandmother just before she had died.

"I hope he likes chicken," the nurse quipped.

"What did she mean by that?" Jeff asked after she left.

"Jeff, I think it's great that you honored your grandfather," Kyle began, "and I'm really touched that you wanted to include me.  You should have gone with Harlan Kyle, though."

"Why?" Jeff prodded.

"Two words," Kyle said.  "Kentucky Bucket."  Jeff still had a blank look on his face.  "Col. Harlan Sanders, venerable founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken," Kyle added in a thick southern drawl.

"Oh shit!" Jeff gasped.

"Don't use that language in front of my godson," Kyle teased.  "Could I feed him for a bit?"

"Do you really want to?" Jeff asked unsurely.

"You can't do it all by yourself, Jeff.  I want to help you," Kyle answered.  "In fact, I want to ask something.  I mean I want you to consider something."

"Kyle, I haven't seen you this nervous since we lived together in the dorm," Jeff teased.  "You don't have to feed the baby."

"I want you and the little colonel to move in with me," Kyle blurted.

"What did you say?" Jeff replied.

"I want you and the baby to come and live with me," Kyle repeated.  "I have bought a house in the suburbs and there's plenty of room for you guys.  There's an enormous back yard, and the school system is…"

"Wait a minute," Jeff interrupted.  "Do you know what you are asking for?  Babies are noisy and smelly and…"

"I don't care," Kyle stopped him.  "You are my best friend and you need help.  I can help and I want to do this."

"I don't know if the two of us living together would work out," Jeff said sadly.  "There is something you should know…   I don't quite know how to say this."

"You know about me, don't you?"  Kyle asked flatly.  "I know I should have told you about this when we first met, but…"

"Kyle, I think I may be gay," Jeff said quietly.

"Jeff, I am gay," Kyle told him at the same time.

"What?" they both asked in synchronization.

"Kyle, I don't understand what I have been feeling all my life.  I just know that I am attracted to guys.  I always have been," Jeff explained.  "I married Hope to get away from my feelings… my feelings for you."

"Jeff, you can't hide from who you are," Kyle told him.  "I was going to tell you how I felt about you before you moved in.  You deserved to know even if you didn't feel the same way."

"You mean you were willing to suppress your own feelings to help me and my son?" Jeff questioned.

"I've suppressed how I felt about you for a long time," Kyle confessed.  "I can keep it up if necessary.  I just care too much about you to see you struggling and unhappy."

"I've always been taught that the way I felt was wrong and evil," Jeff said slowly.  "The thing is, hearing you say that you feel the same way makes me feel better than I ever have."

"If we were at home right now, I'd show you just how good I can make you feel," Kyle teased with a wink.

"Kyle!" Jeff gasped with a blush.

"Will you still consider moving in with me?" Kyle asked seriously.  "Please, don't leave me again."

"I promise Kyle, we are going to stay with you as long as you will let us," Jeff assured him.

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