The Apartment

Ray felt like confusion was a permanent part of his life. He'd run from his father's and schoolmates' homophobia, found that the city was a microcosm of man's inhumanity to man, been invited back to what he understood was a hideout by another boy who proved to be in love with him, met a bunch of guys who seemingly cared about each other and about him ... and then, the last couple of hours, he'd found out that the supposed 'hangout' was actually owned, with the building it was in, by one of the guys who'd taken him as brother – and that he was legally in the custody of a attorney he'd never met until that morning – and one of the guys he'd thought he could trust was telling him not to worry, that it didn't really mean what it sounded like. His friend – boyfriend! – Andy seemed ready to run, unwilling to trust this Gil who'd walked in like he was in charge – and, Ray had to admit, that was probably because in reality, in the laws the grownups with power lived by, he probably was. He didn't want to lose what he'd come to value about the apartment and his friends there, but he had serious doubts whether he could trust them, and deep down, he knew that if it came down to choosing between them and Andy, Andy would win hands down. O God, what a mess!

Chay had confronted Gil with the need to reassure the boys about his authority, but he had declined as 'not the one you need to ask for permission,' to which Chay had replied the strangely cryptic, "No, I've already hurt him enough." Ray wondered what that all meant.

Now Gil had led the discussion to the disposal of Mrs. Schwartz's effects, the things she would be forced to leave behind, what Donny could expect to make from selling them and what he might want to keep for the apartment – as if Pauly, Andy, and Ray's questions didn't matter.

"Her good china set is easily worth a few hundred," Gil was saying, "or you could use it here, have some nice things for this place."

"You can imagine how long fine china would last with eight boys," Chay said, remembering a minor catastrophe Peewee had accidentally engineered.

"Well, then, put them away for when you marry, Donny," Gil said.

"Fat chance of that!" Donny replied.

"Why? Gay marriage is legal in this state," Gil answered smoothly.

Chay had grown more and more irritated as this discussion continued. Now, "You really don't know?!" he burst out.

"Know what, Chay?" Gil asked.

"That first night at Van's apartment, I was pretty sick, but not too sick to pay attention," Chay said. "And I've been there with Donny twice since."

"Whoa, way too kinky!" Mikey laughed. Chay's glare brought him to silence quickly; that was something he hadn't expected.

"I've had Donny in my bed and inside me more than a few times," Chay went on, "about as often as my persuasiveness and his horniness will overcome his guilt trip." Chay closed his eyes as if in pain, then reopened them. His face was solemn. "When Donny finally comes, he calls out one name. It's not Van, and it's not me, it's the person he's always loved."

Donny looked aghast at this. "Stop it – now!" he ordered Chay.

"Why?" Chay asked. "I've kept on hoping, and now everything is falling apart. The dream we put together is trashed, and Gil doesn't even seem to care that Andy and Ray are ready to run again – yes, I saw you two, tense and doubting us. And I guess you have a right to – but I went along with what Donny wanted, and he was convinced that nobody'd believe we were for real if they knew the real story. Maybe he was right. Well, if it all goes to pieces, I guess I can go sell my ass again, at least until I guess wrong about a John. I sure can't stay, even if you try to keep the place going – it'd hurt too much."

"What are you saying, Chay?" This was Donny, echoed by Gil's "Of course you'll stay; you've been part of what makes this place work."

"Why'd you leave Gil's mother's place, Donny?" Chay's gentle probing was back, but there was a steel in the small Asian boy's manner now. "Why'd you set up here?"

"You know the answer," Donny said. "It took hands-on effort from teens who were committed to making it work, to make this place work at all."

"And Mikey and I couldn't have done that, while you lived with the Christensons?" Chay asked. "Sometimes I think I know you better than you know yourself, Donny. What's the other reason?"

"I couldn't stay there," Donny said brokenly. "It hurt too much."

"And that's why I can't stay now," Chay said with infinite compassion. "It would hurt too much."

Peewee piped up. "I don't get it," he said. "And I know all about this kind of stuff." Amused smiles greeted that comment. "I don't mean sex stuff," Peewee went on, "I mean love. You guys are my brothers, and you love me, and I love you. That's why we can live together. Yeah, I don't like to do dishes and stuff; no kid does. But I know just as well as you guys do that when it's gotta be done, it's gotta be done. Gil promised me back when that he'd make sure I got taken care of, and by people who cared about me, not creeps like Auntie. He kept that promise. Now Andy wants to leave because he doesn't trust him, and Chay wants to leave because, well, I don't know why, but he said he'd be my brother, and now he's not gonna be, and things are all fucked up. Before, I could always count on you guys to fix 'em when stuff happened. Guess I can't now," he ended sadly. Ray's heart went out to the usually-perky 11-year-old, now genuinely sad.

"Tell him, Donny," Chay said. "Maybe it's the last thing I can ever do for you, but I owe you that much." And the love in his eyes was plain.

Donny closed his eyes; his face went – strange, pinched in, as if in pain. "I can't, Chay," he said.

"It's the one thing that stands a chance of saving your dream," Chay said, his expression now inscrutable. Ray thought privately that it was something like the face he'd worn two days earlier when he explained that he and Donny weren't boyfriends.

"It was just one day and one night on a yacht," Donny said. "I was foolish to put any hopes in it, and I should have known better." He paused. "Gil was home from law school, and I begged Father to let me go out with him on the boat, and begged him to take me." From where Ray was seated, he was looking at Donny but also past him to where Gil was standing, and it looked suddenly like Gil had been punched in the solar plexus.

"A couple of glasses of wine," Donny said, "and I let down my guard, and said what I was really feeling." Another pause. "And it happened, and it was wonderful. Then we came back into port, and I turned into a pumpkin again – just the skinny kid destined to do what my father had planned. And Gil went back to school, and came back and joined his father's firm. I'd gotten the balls to tell my father who I was by then, and of course I had to leave. And there just wasn't any way a successful lawyer would want a street kid like me, not after what I'd been through."

"Well. I salvaged what I could, saw what would work and how I could help others. And it worked. For well over a year, it worked." Donny tried to smile. "That Tolkien story we read, Gil – let that be how I'm remembered. You know, Aragorn's mother: 'Hope I have born for others; I have kept no hope for myself.' A little melodramatic, I guess, but it's how I feel."

"I never realized, Donny!" Gil said, deeply moved by emotion but keeping a tenuous control.

"You should have; I was blunt enough about it."

"And I thought it was just a schoolboy crush, and then you were impossible to reach, when I finally found you, and.... Oh, Damn!" Gil let out as his emotions broke. "I tried to make it up to you, that molesting, it was just the once and I was weak and you were young and cute and...."

"You didn't molest him, Gil," Chay said with a voice of calm. "You made his dreams come true, then you took them away again. And for four years he's carried a torch for you."

"Let me get this straight," Andy spoke up. "You guys made as if this was a hangout where we kids could squat, because you didn't think we'd accept the idea that Donny owned it and was in charge, and Gil did all the stuff he did, totally in the background, for Donny, because he felt guilty about what happened with Danny?"

"That's it in a nutshell," Mikey said.

"Good place for it; it's nuts!" Andy said. "You thought you needed to con us? C'mon, it makes sense. Kids aren't stupid. The only thing I don't get is why Chay thinks he has to leave now."

"I got that part; it was the rest of it that had me confused," Ray interjected.

"Well, c'mon, give!" Andy said.

"There's nothing more obvious to me than that Chay is in love with Donny, probably has been since they met in school, and certainly since Donny took him to the clinic and then set this place up. So while Donny's been hung up on Gil, wishing for something that isn't going to happen, Chay's been hung up on Donny. And he's run out of hope. Right?" he asked Chay.

"My brother, I..." and Chay fell into Ray's arms, weeping.

Peewee went streaking down the hall. All eyes turned to him. A minute later, he came running back, carrying a well-worn purple stuffed dog. He pushed it into Chay's arms. "Here, Roscoe will make you feel better," he said. "You can have him; I'm big enough now that I don't need him any more."

"I couldn't take Roscoe; he means too much to you," Chay said.

"So do you," Peewee said. "And when I was little and sad, I held him and got to feel better. Now you need somebody to hold, 'n' I'm big enough that I can deal with stuff without having Roscoe, so you take him. It's all I can do to help you feel better."

And Ray realized he'd just seen what being a brother really meant – his youngest new brother had given his most precious possession to Chay, because he felt that he needed it more than he himself did.

Pauly spoke up. "You know, I am hearing a lot of people's emotions being taken right to the edge here, and I'm terribly afraid that we're going to lose something very precious in the process. I think everybody's gotten a lot of stuff to process. Is there any chance we can, maybe, take a break, stop playing arpeggios on each other's nerves, and catch our breath before anybody makes big decisions that may end up fucking up other people's lives?"

"That's a very good idea," Gil said. "Why don't I treat everyone to lunch?"

Andy looked tense and skeptical at this offer; Gil zeroed in on him. "Andy, answer me one question without getting mad," he said. "How can Donny be sure that you won't go into his billfold while he's asleep, take everything in it, rip off everything movable, and take off – after all, there's a lot of street kids who would do just that?"

Andy was shocked at the stereotype, and began to get angry. "I'm not that kind of guy!" he said. "Donny's treated me good, and I owe him. I'd never rip him off. Tell me you aren't stereotyping me as just another teenager you can't trust!"

"And just what are you doing with me, if not the same thing?" Gil said patiently. "I've given you no reason do doubt me; in fact, the fact I've never been around here should itself testify that I've always been willing to play by Donny's rules, give you the freedom you cherish without any thought for interfering with it. You're not a creep – and neither am I."

Andy looked at him, read the sincerity in his eyes, and what it took to draw that comparison from the lawyer, and decided to, at least temporarily and tentatively, give him a measure of trust. "I guess you have a point," he said grudgingly.

"Chay?" Donny said. "Come along? We got a lot of talking to do."

"I wish �" Chay began, and then fell silent.

Gil walked over and picked up the small, plucky Asian boy, wrapping him in a hug. "I know how much carrying of this place on your shoulders you've done, Chay. This is not the time for you to give up."

"Why?" Chay said sullenly.

"You've stopped trusting me too?" Gil asked, rubbing Chay's shoulders with the hand across his back.

"N-no."

"Then you're going to lunch," Gil said. "Besides, we need you to keep Peewee under control!"

"Hey!" Peewee said in mock outrage. The others all laughed, and in that laugh, tensions began to dissolve.

---

 

Seven boys plus Gil would have overcrowded his car badly. By common consent they decided to walk together, with Gil swinging by his office and then meeting them. His choice of restaurant was rather more upscale than they would have picked, but even Donny and Andy were pleased with the idea of eating at a 'nice' place.

They kept moving east towards the appointed rendezvous. Donny offered Peewee a piggyback ride, but he declined, his present mindset being to prove how 'big' he was. Andy took note of the neighborhood; they were only a few blocks from the lawn supply store in which he and Ray had taken refuge from a gang.

He began to cast furtive glances from side to side and behind them, hoping to avoid trouble. But Ray pointed ahead and said, "Look!"

Four hulking guys from the group they had nearly encountered were up ahead, and apparently had found a couple of victims. It was hard to make out what was going on, but apparently they'd taken on two younger boys. Ray started to run towards them.

"Hey, stop!" Mikey yelled out at him, but he didn't listen. However, that attracted the attention of one of the thugs, then another.

"Oh, shit!" Chay said. "Well, we can't leave Ray to take them on." He began to run too.

"Oh, for god's sake," came from Pauly as he too took off after the two smaller kids. Donny sighed and picked up the pace; one by one they all committed to coming to the defense of Ray and, of course, the two kids.

The thugs turned from their prey to meet this new threat. Up close, Ray realized how much bigger than he they were, and had a split second's time to regret his impulse to run and help before one of the thugs landed a punch that staggered him. He started to get up, and another punch landed to the side of his head. He felt himself falling, and blanked out.

As he came to, Andy was bending over him, a gash in his eyebrow bleeding and his clothes torn. Donny was restraining one of the thugs while Pauly landed blow after blow on him, both with angry expressions on their faces. Peewee, seemingly unscathed, and Mikey, his nose bleeding profusely, were bent over the two erstwhile gang victims. One of the gang members was backed against a wall; the other two lay on the ground unconscious.

Two police cruisers were converging on the scene. Gil was pulling up in his car. The cops got out, pulled their weapons, and told everyone to freeze.

"They started it!" the older kid against the wall called out.

"He's lying!" the smaller of the two victim kids shouted.

"That's slightly more believable, Gino, than that the Loch Ness Monster was in town on tour and decided to go on a rampage – but only slightly," one of the cops said to the thug by the wall.

"They were out looking for us to even up a grudge," 'Gino' said.

"And how long were they doing this?" a cop asked.

"Oh, four or five hours, I guess," Gino answered, caught short by that question.

"That would explain why I rousted them out of bed a little over two hours ago to check out a neighbor's complaint – which proved unfounded," the cop said. It was Kowalski!

Ray sat up, and realized there was an earthquake going on. He wondered why nobody else noticed it, then realized it wasn't an earthquake, it was him – it felt like the world was moving around him. "Andy," he said, and slumped again.

"What exactly was going on here?" Kowalski asked Donny.

Gil, now standing nearby, started to caution not to speak, then thought better of it.

"We were walking to A Taste of Heaven to meet Attorney Christenson there for lunch," Donny said, "when we came on these four beating these two up." He gestured at the appropriate bodies as he spoke. "Ray here decided to be a hero and run help them; we couldn't let him take that risk by himself. They swung twice at him, knocking him out with the second hit. When I tried to get him away, they started swinging at me, and it just escalated from there."

"So you fought in defense of yourself or of others?" Kowalski asked carefully.

"That's right," Donny said.

"I will oblige you to save any further questions until I can confer with my wards," Gil intervened to say.

"Of course, Counselor," one of the other cops said. "For what it's worth, with the reputation these four have, and what little I've already heard, I think it's highly unlikely any charges against any of your boys would be laid, anyway."

"Oh, hell," said the third cop. "Call for medical support, pronto." Ray pushed himself up again to see what he was looking at. Chay was lying on the ground, unmoving, a knife in his side.

---

 

What happened next was a blur to Ray. He vaguely remembered being roused, loaded into an ambulance, and transported to the hospital. When he came to, Andy was sitting in a chair next to him, a bandage above his eye,

"Ray's awake!" Andy called out. Pauly and Peewee came hurrying in.

"What happened?" he asked, then, remembering, "Is Chay...?"

"He'll be okay," Pauly said. "It was nowhere as bad as it looked at first."

"They 'rested those guys," Peewee said excitedly. "And Mister Kowalski said they're going to stay locked up for a lo-o-ong time!"

Gil came walking in. "Ray, I don't suppose you're in any mood to be lectured, and I don't know how you're going to take to hearing it from me, but I'm going to do it anyway. I couldn't be prouder of you for going to the defense of those boys, but if you ever take that kind of risk again, especially where it draws your brothers into it with you, I will personally kick your little ass from here to Bratislava, Slovakia, and back." And it dawned on Ray that Gil was saying that because he cared, he genuinely cared for Ray and the others, and he was worried for him.

He forced a smile. "Yessir," he said. "What kind of a ward would I be if I disobeyed my guardian on something like that?" Gil's eyes widened; he heard what Ray was promising in saying it in just that way. A touch of impishness entered Ray's smile. "Unless, of course, I need to," he added.

Gil gave a small laugh. "Codicil accepted, counselor," he said in his best 'lawyer' voice. "Think about going into the law, Ray; you'd be good at it. I can tell!"

And Ray, who had not thought about his future since he had left his home, was struck by the idea that he did have a future, and apparently one that had much broader horizons than what he'd been looking at at home.

"So what did happen?" he asked. "I came to once, and two of 'em were down. How are those other kids, anyway?"

"They got knocked around a lot but they're going to be okay. The older one is in the worse shape – lots of bruises on his back, but that's because he dropped over his little brother to try and protect him." Pauly looked bemused, like he had some plan in mind.

Peewee was bouncing with his news, yet strangely shy about actually saying it. Pauly took pity on him. "This one singlehandedly disposed of one of those guys," he said with pride in his little brother.

"What!? How?!" Ray couldn't imagine little Peewee surviving, much less winning, a fight with one of those hulking punks.

"He jumped on the back of one of them and clinged to him – the punk couldn't dislodge him no matter what he did. And Peewee was pounding away, as hard as he could, at his head. He finally landed one lucky blow that connected just right to actually knock the guy out."

"And he wasn't hurt?"

"Only his pride. You see, when he knocked him out, he fell on top of him. He had to squirm out from under him." Peewee was simultaneously blushing, giggling, and beaming with pride.

"Holy crap! Good job, Peewee!" Ray paused. "So what happens now?"

"Well, you will have to talk to the police," Gil said. "I'll be present, and put an end to anything that could cause you any problems. Just be sure to answer exactly what they ask, and don't volunteer any information without checking with me first." He smiled. "Thanks to your friend Kowalski, and the fact that those four were well known to the police already, though, I don't think any of you have a thing to worry about."

"What about Chay?" Ray remembered them saying he'd be okay, but he was worried.

"It's things like that that make me believe in miracles," Gil said. "That knife could have done some fatal damage if it'd gone in one inch over, and really ought to have laid him up a lot worse than it did. But it went in at just the right point to be diverted by his hipbone, and the precise angle it went in at, it slipped between two layers of muscle along his hip, parallel to the layers of skin and muscle on his side rather than cutting through them, so he'll heal a lot faster than he had any right to expect." The lawyer got a warm smile. "But you want a blessing in disguise? Donny hasn't left his side since he got here."

"He's like that with any of us," Ray said.

"Not like this," Gil replied. "I think maybe he's finally waked up to what he has, from nearly having lost it." Pauly nodded agreement. Peewee giggled.

To be continued

---

 

Editor's Notes: I know this is going to come as a complete surprise to anyone that knows me, but I was crying pretty hard while I was reading that.

D and B, this is an extremely heartwarming story, and I am totally ready for a lot more of the adventures of these guys.

Darryl AKA The Radio Rancher