A New Life

By the time I got home from work last night and finished talking with the rents about school, I was wiped out. I slipped into bed and snuggled up to my pillows. Without Prez holding me, I couldn't stay asleep and kept waking up. At one point I was missing him so much that I went to the hall closet, got the spare blanket and rolled it up length-wise so I could feel something warm behind me. That helped a little bit but when I woke again I was frustrated. If I had to guess how many nights we didn't sleep together since that first night in June I'd say about ten; maybe one or two nights a week.

The truth is I'm addicted to him. Addicted to the slow deliberate stride of his walk, the deep mystical tone of his voice, the expressions on his face, jeez everything about him gives me a rush. All I have to do is look into those deep blue eyes and I'm butter melting on a hot summer day. There's hardly any doubt in my mind I could stay with him every day for the rest of my life.

I was hanging out in my room lying across the bed, playing video games with the stereo blasting, biding my time to meet Prez after school when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning my head, I saw Drew signaling me to turn down the music. I paused my game and leaned over to press the down button on the stereo.

Drew said, "Hey"

"Hey bro," I replied, "what's goin' on?"

"Umm, nothin' much. Where's Prez?"

"At school. It's orientation day. Why?"

Drew shrugged, "I guess it don't matter. I was hoping to talk with both of you though."

I rolled over on my side and propped myself up on my arm. "About...?"

"Well, I kinda wanted to ask you both something."

"Do you want to wait till Prez gets here, Drew? You can ask me anything," I said, just a little impatiently.

Drew interrupted, "No, it's cool. I mean I just wanted to ask once not twice."

"Can ya give me a clue what it's about."

Drew shuffled his feet a little and looked down at the floor saying, "Yeah, it's about Corey."

I smiled and remembered some of the stuff he showed me in his journal. "Okay, about you and Corey, ya mean."

"Uh-huh."

"Does Corey know you want to talk about it? I mean, with someone other than him?"

"Yeah, he was just like, okay, whatever makes me happy. And some how even that makes me..."

I waited for only a few seconds then we both said, "love him," simultaneously.

"Or at least really like him a whole lot." Drew added quickly.

"That's what this is about then, knowing whether you just like him a lot or if you love him?"

"Yeah, and some other stuff too. What do you think?" Drew asked.

"I think you need to start at the beginning. You guys have been hanging around together for how long?"

"About five or six months, since February."

"And you spent most of the summer with him right?"

"Either I was with him or maybe with John and Tommy and their friends."

I chuckled a little, "Mostly with Corey though, admit it."

Drew blushed and smiled. "Uh-huh," he said.

"Well it seems to me you enjoy being around him. Does he feel the same way?"

"Definitely."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Then what's the problem? Seems to me you've either got a long term really good friend or maybe a boyfriend, if that's what you guys want."

"THAT'S the whole problem!" Drew shouted, making his voice crack.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Come on," Drew whined, "be serious. I'm going whacko here."

"Whacko about what exactly?"

"You know! About having a boyfriend. Jeez this is so fucked up."

I stopped laughing and asked, "Why is it fucked up? You care about him and he cares about you. Do you want a friend or a boyfriend? That's the only decision you guys need to make."

Drew mumbled, "I guess we've already made that decision."

My eyes widened and I sat upright on the edge of the bed. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Uh-huh."

I would've jumped off the bed, picked him up and spun him around but he wasn't in that kind of celebrating mood. "You gotta tell me why you're bummed about this Drew?"

Drew started pacing the room, "Cause I still don't know what I want Keith! I look at mom and dad and say, yeah that would be cool, a wife and kids and all. Then I look at you and Prez and I say, yeah that's so cool too. Then Corey starts giving me little signs that maybe he might like to do stuff and then he starts TELLING me what he wants to do!" Drew stopped pacing, looked at me and started shouting with his hands flying around, "AND THEN I DO IT WITH HIM! AND I LIKED IT! AND HE LIKED IT!" Drew fell back on the other side of the bed. I looked back at him smiling and he said, "It was so great. The next morning he kissed me and told me he loved me before we got out of the den. Everything was normal between us that day except for one thing."

"What's that?"

"Now and then I'd look at him and he'd look at me and I'd get really excited, breathing fast and heart racing and all. One time, early in the party before dinner I actually popped a bone just looking at him across the yard! Weird."

"Wait a second. All this happened on your birthday?"

"Uh-huh"

I couldn't help myself. "Dude, you must be the luckiest guy in the world!"

Drew sighed saying, "Then why do I feel like shit? He left for home this morning and his mom didn't let me come over. Ever since he left, all this stuff's been flying around in my head and my stomach feels empty even though I had four waffles for breakfast. I feel like I've lost him."

"You didn't loose him Drew. He went home! He'll be back, no doubt about it."

"I hope so. I keep imagining like what happened with you and Mike. He won't want to talk to me or be around me anymore."

"Judging by all you've said, I don't think that's gonna be a problem."

"Ya think?"

"He was still talking to you and doing regular stuff with you all weekend, I saw some of it. Everything's cool, bro."

Drew kicked his legs and sat up saying, "I guess there's only one thing left for me to figure out. Do I love him? He's said it to me a few times. I just can't say it back."

I thought back to my talk with dad about this. He gave me no answers that night, only more questions to find my own answers to. That wouldn't work well with Drew right now so I said, "Hey Drew, maybe you do love him. At the least you're infatuated with him and he seems to feel the same about you. Just be his best friend and chill out."

Drew complained, "It's not that easy."

"Sure it is. Look at Prez and me. Some times we're just together, enjoying whatever we might be doing together. Other times I'm just completely under his spell, like if he doesn't touch me, I'll go crazy. All I need is a hug or a kiss and I'm set. Then there's those other times when we're all alone," I said, barely catching myself as I started to go into a dream state. I could almost feel Prez running his hands across my back and neck.

Drew looked at me with a big smile on his face. "I think I get the picture," he said.

"Umm, yeah," I stammered, adjusting the bulge in my pants. "One day at a time is all, bro."

Drew nodded and asked, "Is Prez coming over this afternoon?"

"Yeah, I'll walk home with him from school."

"Maybe I'll see if Corey can come over later." Drew said, standing to leave.

"That would be cool. The four of us can talk then."

"Cool. Thanks, Keith."

"Any time." I said watching him leave the room and close the door behind him. Corey seemed like a cool kid but I can't say I saw a lot of him this summer. Now that I think of it, I've heard even less from him. He seems to talk to Drew only, as if he's shy but Drew didn't give me the impression that he thought Corey was the least bit shy. It looks like I'll be finding out more about Corey soon enough.

I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost time to get my act together and pick up Prez. I shut off the video game, TV and stereo then got a T-shirt on and was ready to hit the road.

Drew was sitting at the kitchen counter drinking juice from the container. "I'm outta here, Drew. I should be back way before dinner time."

"Cool. I'm waiting for Corey to call."

I looked at him and puzzled for a few seconds then asked, "When do you expect to hear from him?"

Wiping the juice mustache from his lip, Drew said, "He said between three and four."

I laughed, "Drew that's like two hours from now!"

"I know. Nuthin else to do."

"He'll call, bro. Go watch TV or play a video game to pass the time."

Drew looked at me as if stunned then said, "And what are you gonna do for the other 20 or 30 minutes after you get to the school and before Prez gets out?"

"Okay," I laughed heading for the door, "so I'll be a little early. I'll count blades of grass or something. Later."

"See ya later."

When I got to the high school I noticed some other kids loitering around waiting for rides. I sat on the front step and waited. The last bell rang and another flood of kids came out but still no Preston. I stood up and paced around for about five minutes then went inside. Did you ever notice that first day of school smell? I wonder what makes that smell. It gives me the willies.

I walked in the main office and there was Preston talking with one of the staff. Stepping up next to him I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Hey bud, did everything go okay today?"

"Hi Keith. Yeah, it was a good day until the last period."

"What happened?"

"A typo on my schedule. I went to room 250 opened the door, turned on the lights and waited, and kept on waiting. The bell rang and nobody else ever showed up. So I came here and I just found out it was room 205 I should've been in."

"You found your way around pretty well otherwise?"

While folding up his schedule and other papers then stuffing them in his back pocket, he answered, "Yeah, no problems. You ready to hit it?"

We left the front office and walked side by side down the empty hall to the exit.

I asked him, "I wonder what that smell is?"

Prez looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "What smell? Did you cut the cheese dude?"

Laughing, I said, "No man, that first day of school odor. Don't ya smell it?"

"Yeah, I smell it."

"I wonder what that is?"

"The half-eaten, rotting cerebellums of the Alma Mater, I'll bet." Prez chuckled.

I laughed my ass off. "Like Night of the Living Dead, they want to eat our brains!"

We laughed out loud as we walked out the front doors.

"How can ya have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" Prez recited, in a really bad British accent and laughed even harder. As we were walking down the street back to my house we started singing Another Brick in the Wall Part 2.

"We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the class room
Teacher leave them kids alone
Hey! Teacher, leave them kids alone
All in all it's just a-nother brick in the wall"

When we finished making a spectacle of ourselves, Prez said, "Hey Keith, I needed that babe. Thanks"

God help me, I love him. I didn't just smile at him I beamed, he made me feel that good. I reached for his hand and held it tightly.

He said, "My day's looking brighter already."

"Mine too, Prez. I missed you so much I could barely sleep."

"Me too. Spending the whole day listening to the same tired babble and filling out forms was not what I wanted to be doing. I'm much better now though." He said, flashing an insane grin. "What have you been doing today?"

"Just hangin' around the house waiting for you. I had a talk with Drew earlier too."

"Oh yeah?"

"He expected you to be around and wants to talk with both of us so I guess it's okay if I tell you. Drew and Corey..." I held up my crossed fingers.

"Really? That's cool!"

"Yeah sort of. Drew's still not sure what he wants long term though. He sure does like the kid though. I left him waiting by the phone for a call."

"Aww, that's cute."

"Drew wants to know what love is."

"Tough question."

"We might have to come up with some kind of answer. If Corey comes over I'm pretty sure they'll want to talk with us."

Prez nodded as I opened the front door. As soon as we were inside and the door was closed behind us I couldn’t contain myself a second longer. I wrapped one arm around his trim waist and kissed him. The kiss started as our usual, "Hi baby, I missed you," kind of kiss but in a few moments it turned into so much more. We started breathing through our noses and held the kiss for a long time. I could feel Prez getting hard against my leg. As much as I hated to, I broke our kiss telling him, "Let’s find out if anyone’s home first." Prez sighed heavily, rested his head on my shoulder and started licking little circles on my neck just under my ear. I started to walk backwards but Prez never let me go and followed my lead into the kitchen. Drew was no where in sight. I started walking forward and Prez walked backwards as we checked out the rest of the house for lurking little brothers.

When we finally got to my room, Prez pushed me backwards onto my bed and crawled over me. I ran my hands up under his shirt making him gasp and shiver.

"You wore the shirt I picked out." I commented.

Prez nodded saying, "It’s my favorite."

"Guess I’ll have to take it off before it gets all wrinkled," I said unbuttoning it, slipping it off him and tossing it over on to the desk chair. Prez helped me get my T-shirt off and laid down on top of me. Just feeling his warmth against me is the greatest feeling in the world. I wanted to make love with him but that would mean a few moments separation that I just wasn’t ready for. We had plenty of time to go slow anyway.

Prez whispered, "God it feels so good to hold you. I couldn’t sleep last night and probably won’t get a good nights sleep tonight either."

"I know baby, I missed you too."

"It’s only been a day, Keith. What are we going to do for the whole school year?"

I said, "What we’re doing now feels great. We’ll just make up for the lost time the best ways we can," then kissed his cheek.

"Did your folks talk to you last night?" Prez asked.

"Yeah, two nights a week. More if we keep our grades, fewer if we don’t. It’s beat dude."

"I'm developing a plan." Prez said

"What’s that?"

"Well I’m pretty good with math and sciences."

"And I’m pretty good with English and history. This year we take chemistry and I don’t know how good I’ll be at that."

"I’m gonna drop a night of work during the week."

"My schedules gonna have to change too."

"We’re gonna study our asses off, bud."

Thinking of how little time I've spent doing homework, I laughed, "My parents will have me locked up!"

Prez said, "We've gotta prove to them we can spend time together and even sleep together without everything else crumbling down around us."

"The first eight weeks will be the roughest. Once we can show them a good report card, they’ll chill out."

"You bet! And then ya wanna know what we’re gonna do next."

"Join the priesthood?" I giggled.

"Umm… probably not."

"Fuck like bunnies?" I said, nodding my head quickly.

"Now you’re catching on!" He said, then gave me one of his patented knock out kisses. "So it’s agreed then? We’ll impress the hell out of our folks and they’ll leave us alone."

"Yeah, no problem. I’ll help you out with some stuff and you’ll help me."

"Wait a minute," Prez said, looking down at me mischievously. "Are we still talking about school and homework or fucking like bunnies?"

"Both!" I proclaimed, rolling him over on his back and play humping his leg. We were so busy laughing and fooling around, I didn’t even hear the knock at my bedroom door.

Prez was laughing, "The door dude," a couple of times before I heard Drew holler from the hall, "Yo guys! You busy in there?"

I shouted back, "Nah, we're just dry humping and shit." I started bouncing on the bed hard, making it squeak and knock against the wall.

I heard another voice beyond the door say, "Whoa!"

"We'll try again later then," Drew said.

Prez kissed me then pushed me off him saying, "Come on in Drew. It's cool."

"You sure?" Drew asked.

"Yeah bro," I said sitting up, "come on in."

"I'm turning the door knob," Drew announced, "I'm opening the door now, come on Corey, we're coming in. We're in."

"Hey, Drew," Prez said, through suppressed laughter, "hi Corey."

"Hey." Corey said nodding at Prez and me.

"Wassup, guys?" I said.

"Umm... we could ask you guys the same thing!" Drew said. "What the hell were you doing anyway?"

"Just talking." Prez said with a smirk.

"And playing." I said, nudging him.

"Playing with what? A jack hammer?" Corey grinned.

I noted his tone of voice and the way he was standing just behind and to the left of Drew. "Never mind that, how are you guys doing?" I said.

"We talked about some stuff," Drew said.

"Yeah, we're cool." Corey added putting his hand on Drew's shoulder. The kid sure didn't have a problem displaying affection.

I asked, "Have you decided how it's gonna be, Drew?"

"Umm, well not really," Drew answered.

Prez asked, "How about you Corey?"

Corey said, "Yeah, I know how I want it to be and I'm cool waiting... for now."

"And that's the thing, I don't think you should be waiting." Drew said to Corey. "I feel so bad for making you wait."

"Drew, come on man, I told you it's alright," Corey said.

"Excuse me," Prez said, "I'm not sure I understand. I thought you guys were a couple."

"We are." Corey said

"Yeah, sort of." Drew agreed.

Prez asked, "What exactly are we waiting on then?"

"Drew can't tell Corey that he loves him." I whispered to Prez.

"How can I when I don't know what it means?" Drew said, ending with a sigh.

"It don't matter that you can't say it Drew. You show it all the time," Corey said. "I can touch you and you don't shrug away. I can kiss you and you kiss me back."

"I like all that too," Drew said. "I'd miss it if you stopped. But I have limits to even that."

Corey said, "And I'm cool with that. I'm not gonna grab your ass in the friggin mall dude." He paused for a second to look down and check out my brother's butt then continued, "Although the thought has crossed my mind!"

We all laughed for a few seconds and Drew covered his face but he was laughing too.

"What do you think love is, Drew?" I asked

Drew shrugged his shoulders saying, "I dunno. Touching and kissing and sex and stuff."

"That's just the tip of the iceberg and you know it." I said, disappointed.

"How about you, Corey?" Prez asked.

"Well," Corey started, "for me I guess it means friendship. If Drew wasn't already my friend then I probably couldn't love him."

"Yeah, that's cool," I said. "So you want to hang out together, go places together."

"You talk to each other, telling secrets and almost subconscious ideas," Prez said.

I added, "Of course if someone's talking the other guy needs to be listening."

"Yeah," Corey said.

"Yep, we do that," Drew said.

I tapped my brother's knee to get his attention. "Ya know what Drew? I'll bet your not afraid of saying the words. I think you're afraid of something else."

"I was thinking the same thing." Prez said.

"What is it then?" Drew asked.

"Yeah, what?" Corey repeated.

"Tell me something," Prez said, "do you guys ever talk about the future?"

"Yeah, we do." Corey said, "Movies and concerts and stuff we can do together when we're older."

Drew nodded.

"What if you were told you had to do that stuff?" I asked.

Neither of them said a word. I missed the mark and the whole damn target on that.

Prez said, "Look at it this way. What if next week one of you starts spending afternoons alone with someone else?"

"That would suck," Corey said.

"Yeah, I'd feel left out," Drew said.

Prez and I nodded. "How far ahead in the future are you planning?" I asked.

"One year? Five years? Ten years? Longer?" Prez said, prompting them for answers.

"I dunno," Drew said, "two or more years, when we're driving."

Corey said, "Today, tomorrow, next week, maybe next month."

"Don't you see Drew, you're not scared of the words or the feeling, you're only scared of the commitment." I said.

"I am?" Drew said.

"I think so," I said, "there’s nothing strange about that. Lots of guys can’t make a commitment. I'm not saying I think that's right, just that it is."

"Dude, I never asked you to be with me forever," Corey said to Drew. "I can barely picture us in high school and driving, never mind as old men. I just like being around you and showing you that I care."

"It's just a hunch but I don't think neither of you is ready to talk about five, ten or twenty years from now." I said.

"Do you want to know when your ready to talk about some commitments? Prez asked.

"I guess." Corey said.

"Yeah, when." Drew said.

"If you can promise him that your very best is for him only. If you're convinced you'll never want to have sex with anyone else. If you can see yourself trying to be with him every chance you get for the rest of your life, then you're probably ready to talk about it."

God I loved him at that moment.

"Wow. Can't we just have fun together now?" Corey said.

"Well, yeah sure you can," I said, "but you need to learn a few do's and don'ts since you guys are already having sex. You kinda need to know the consequences of what you’re doing. There's a shit load of good, easy to read stuff on the net. You guys could read it together."

"Yeah, that would be cool. What do ya think Cor?" Drew said.

"Yeah," Corey said, pushing up against Drew with his shoulder, "maybe then we could practice?"

"Oh God," Drew said, covering his face again and we all started laughing.

"Let's go now, dude," Corey said pulling Drew by the arm towards the door.

"Hey, Drew. One other thing, man." Prez said.

"What's that?"

Prez said, "When you say I love you it's kinda like saying, I can't wait to be with you again. If I can't be with you then I'll call you. If I can't call you then I'll be thinking about you and when we'll be together again. The more committed you are to each other, the more you can add on to that."

"You could probably say it any time," I added, knowing a little of how Drew already felt.

"Yeah, your right." Drew said excitedly. Then he turned his attention to Corey. A few seconds ago Corey seemed to be in a rush to get Drew alone but now he just stood there, as if frozen in time. "Cor?" Drew said.

Corey swallowed and said, "Huh?"

"Let’s check out some stuff on the net," Drew said, stepping out my bedroom doorway. Corey silently followed and Drew closed the door.

"Do you think he’ll say it?" Prez asked me.

"Yeah, and when he does I’ll put big money on Corey jumping for joy." I answered.

"No bet," Prez said squeezing my hand. "Now where were we before all that?"

I smiled one of the widest smiles of my life for him and said, "Fucking like bunnies, if I recall."

"Do you want to practice?" Prez asked, imitating Corey.

"Practice makes perfect," I said softly, before he lay down on me and kissed me. We were only laying there talking about our own plans for the school year for a few minutes it seemed when there was a loud crash from the den. Prez was off me and out the door in a flash and I was right behind him. Prez opened the den door. A table lamp had fallen and my dad's big leather desk chair was lying on its side on the floor. Right behind the chair, in the middle of the floor Corey was sitting on Drew's stomach with his hands on Drew's shoulders pinning him down.

"What's going on? Are you guys okay?" I shouted, entering the room.

"We're fine," Drew giggled.

Prez went over and picked up the lamp, checking that it still worked. There was only a little dent in the shade to be popped out.

"He said it!" Corey shouted. "Say it again!" He demanded.

"No!" Drew laughed.

I picked up the chair and swiveled it around, noticing the PC monitor only had a Yahoo search page displayed. They hadn't accomplished a damn thing on the net but they seemed to be progressing well in other pursuits.

"Say it again or I'll tickle ya!" Corey threatened.

"No! Don't you dare! I'll pee!" Drew shouted.

Corey commanded, "Say it then! Just like the first time!"

Drew cleared his throat a little and stopped laughing. He looked at me, then Prez, then back at Corey. Drew sighed then softly said, "I love you Corey."

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